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OnlineAsaroth Larot
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Brodyr Williams
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:19 pm    Post subject:  Let's talk about the worst POS movie... Reply with quote Back to top

I was originally going to call this thread "Am I the only one who reads hate filled reviews after the fact as a form of therapy?"

So, I'd heard good things about "The Secret Life of Pets" and there it was on Netflix and I needed to kill some time...

Now I have a pretty high tolerance for shitty movies and even if it's bad and boring I still try to stick it out because Im kinda obsessed with not leaving things unfinished. All I really ask for is to be entertained, so I give a lot of schlocky shit a passing grade. I love me some cheesy horror movies, but rarely is something so bad I feel I have to just stop and turn the thing off.

Ive actually had a good run of seeing pretty entertaining movies. Been a damn long time.

I just barely made it through this fucking Secret Life of Pets. I had to stop and take a break in order to stomach it. That pretty much qualifies as unwatchable.


So just as a conversation starter. What's the worst piece of shit movie you can think of? I mean not just bad but fucking wretched unwatchable

Or hey maybe secret life of Pets is that movie
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:46 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Never heard of it. About the worst movie I've ever seen was an MST3K movie. Maybe that shouldn't count, but the movie was so bad that even the commentary was no good, because there just wasn't much material to work with. It was called The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. It was beyond terrible.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:54 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

MST3K is lucky to ever get a laugh out of me.

I recently watched their most famous episode Manos The Hand of Fate. It was a little above average.


I think MST3K really just doesnt hold up
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 1:57 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

The RDM only ever walked out of was Bad Company with Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins. That movie had to be 6, maybe 7 hours long. The RDM couldn't take it.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 2:56 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Ice Age 2 is the worst movie ever.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 3:21 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I saw Ice Age 1 way after the fact. I was avoiding it because all the trailers looked repugnant. You like that one?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 3:21 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Manos
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 3:24 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

You and Golbez are dirty cheaters and should be ashamed of yourselves.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 5:55 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

At least I chose an uncommon one. MST3K may have helped me find it, but it's not famous like Manos.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:03 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Ever see Laserblast?
It's supposed to be terrible but I think I kind of like it
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:04 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Nope. Is it like Laser Cats?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:10 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Nah it's another one of the famous MST3K episodes.

Basically some dumbass "teen" straps a cannon to his arm and just blows cars and people up the rest of the movie.

Ive actually seen the plain version of the movie as well as the MST3K version


here if you have the time watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQOiS2RRANc
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:37 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

See Sausage Party. Hands-down the worst film I've ever seen (and I went to the cinema to see Secret Life of Pets). It's not even worth a paragraph.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:41 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

You know sausage party looked like crap but everything I read on the net screamed tha it defied expectations and was actually really good.


still didnt watch it when I saw it on netflix though
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 11:47 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Asaroth Larot wrote:
I saw Ice Age 1 way after the fact. I was avoiding it because all the trailers looked repugnant. You like that one?

I don't remember much about Ice Age 1. I guess it must have been ok-ish, if I ever saw it?

I don't really remember Ice Age 2, except that it was so boring I wanted to walk out of the cinema.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:53 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I can't immediately remember a truly awful film, so I'm going to say Frozen, which is actually a mediocre, passable film. But that's the problem: it got so, so, so much praise heaped upon it that I was genuinely expecting a good film and was super let down (and perplexed). As I recall, the opening scene was also the best musical number (and best part) in the whole movie, so I did start out thinking it would live up to the praise. It did not. And maybe the most aggravating part of all is I could see all this potential for a good movie in it, but it kept failing to live up to that potential. Unfortunately (I guess), it's been quite awhile now so I can't get much more specific than that anymore.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 1:40 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Asaroth Larot wrote:
You know sausage party looked like crap but everything I read on the net screamed tha it defied expectations and was actually really good.


still didnt watch it when I saw it on netflix though


It was the most childish thing I've ever seen... and it has a 15 certificate. I have a pretty high tolerance of childish humour and can even enjoy it, but I don't recall laughing once. Maybe if I was stoned as fuck, I'd have giggled a bit, but the entire film was a fucking train-wreck and went from laughably bad to tediously worse.

Every time I see a film in the cinema, I Tweet and score it between 1 and 5. Jack and Jill made me extend that to 0 to 5. Sausage Party is only the second film to get a 0. I'd have scored it -1, but that would have been too much an overhaul of the ratings. I'd prefer to watch Jack & Jill back-to-back twitch than ever see Sasausage Party again though.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 2:37 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Im debating on whether to watch it just to know your pain.




My circle of friends have a more relaxed letter grade system.

A = Awesome (like a rush after seeing the first time. Basically never happens)
B = pretty good. more than just entertaining. still kinda rare
C = entertaining. almost every damn movie gets this
D = Boring
F = Unwatchable. I have a damn high tolerance so this almost never happens
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 2:51 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

The RDM's wife has the best grading system for movies:

"It was awful." - Self explanatory.
Silence - The entire middle ground of movies.
"I guess it was fine." - This movie was amazing.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:51 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

One movie that doesn't get talked about enough and that I'd totally give an 'A' in Asaroth's system above is the 2011 Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I'm pretty sure Chelsea and I went back to the theatre either the following day or the following weekend to watch it again. And we've watched it several times since, and it's always amazing.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 4:22 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Never heard of it.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:34 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I saw it in the cinema and kept drifting off
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 12:24 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

You, sir, should watch it again! And stay awake.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 11:09 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I will at some point. I've actually been to see most of the films mentioned in this thread. I enjoyed Frozen though.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 11:18 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I know how much you secretly enjoyed Ice Age 2.
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 9:51 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I hated Ice Age 2 and you know it
Was boring and paved the way for more lazy generic wacky animal CG kids movies (like Secret Life of Pets). I remember the original Ice Age being okay, but that was a long time ago and I've never rewatched it.
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:02 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

My personal picks are:

Bruno
RED
Sausage Party

Kinda glad I didn't see Secret Life of Pets in theatres then - at the time I figured it'd just be light fun for an afternoon. Dodged a bullet I suppose
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:03 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Red. Do you mean the movie where some shithead teenagers kill a guy's dog and then he plots a whole revenge scenario?
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:18 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I think that's John Wick?

RED's the one with Bruce Willis as a retired hitman or something. Hijinx ensue with Malkovich and Helen Mirren. I didn't make it past the halfway point.
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:23 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0972883/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_38


It was on Netflix


fuck those dog killing teens
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 8:08 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Hahaha oh fuck wow, I had a weird feeling I knew of that other movie, but nope that's definitely not a movie I've seen
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 11:10 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Oh my dear God...the movie Life starring Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence.

This movie is fucking stalking me. This miserable piece of shit.

I dont even get it. Why is this movie on so much?!

I go to a relatives house and this fucking movie is on tv...and of course they watch it...again.

Of course they dont have netflix so theyre watching it on tv and it's so damn common that I get stuck somewhere where someone is watching this thing...feels like 4 times in the last 2 years alone.

Right now it's being blasted so loud from the other room that even if I put music on I probably could still hear it and my father is so senile he never remembers he's seen a movie before.

But seriously what the fuck. Is this like the most beloved black people movie on the planet? Somehow I get through life in a fundamentalist southern baptist family without seeing every christmas movie during the holidays when I come out of my dungeon to go visit them but this fucking movie finds a way.

I saw this movie in the theaters believe it or not and while I didnt like it because its a fucking miserable rot your life away in prison movie, it wasnt until it wouldnt leave me alone that I really came to despise it's existence.

God. I think it's on Comedy Central. Is this the best they got? UGH!

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 2:00 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Don't think I've ever even heard of that movie. However, it's got Eddie Murphy in it, and Eddie Murphy seems to have a knack for making movies either really good or really terrible.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 3:50 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Asaroth Larot wrote:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0972883/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_38


It was on Netflix


fuck those dog killing teens


Totally thought you were talking about that one Clint Eastwood movie initially. Gran(d?) Torino?
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:34 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Nope Red and Gran Turino are pretty different.
Gran Turino has a happy ending...




I just started the movie "Submerged" on Netflix with a friend then she had to leave so I stopped, but it was totally looking like another F

Im having a really bad run of it lately. The same day I saw Secret Life of Pets I binged watched Legends of Tomorrow Season 2. It was torture. I fear the day the MCU invites something so fundamentally stupid into it's canon.

Squirrel Girl is on the horizon and Im afraid it could be the worst thing ever.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 7:37 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Squirrel Girl could be terrible or it could be awesome. Probably it will be neither though and it will be just okay (assuming they make it, which I figure still isn't confirmed).
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 9:54 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Henchman #2 wrote:
My personal picks are:

Bruno
RED
Sausage Party

Kinda glad I didn't see Secret Life of Pets in theatres then - at the time I figured it'd just be light fun for an afternoon. Dodged a bullet I suppose


Another list of films I've seen in the cinema. I didn't fin Bruno that bad. Sacha Baron Cohen's The Dictator was a lot worse.
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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 6:27 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Lord Golbez wrote:
Squirrel Girl could be terrible or it could be awesome. Probably it will be neither though and it will be just okay (assuming they make it, which I figure still isn't confirmed).



Well it seems to be confirmed though maybe the name isnt?
It might be called just "New Warriors" instead of "Squirrel Girl and the New Warriors" which is what I originally heard
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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 6:02 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

So there's a new movie ad going off like crazy for "Captain Underpants".

I feel sorry for every adult that ends up having to sit through this. We've already had to sit through variations of this dumb fucking joke as kids whenever a cartoon wanted to do a superhero riff. Hell, I think even the name Captain Underpants has already been used. Fuck this movie for existing.

I cant help but take note that Kevin Hart who was terrible in Secret Life of Pets is headlining this.
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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 7:26 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Is that based on the kids books? I remember a bunch of 10 year olds finding them funny when I worked in libraries around 10 years ago.
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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 7:32 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

*googles Captain Underpants books*

Yeah. Looks like it. Didnt know those existed.

Honestly that does make the concept a little more tolerable if it's based on an existing book series rather than some hack screenwriter shitting out the most unoriginal thing Ive seen in awhile.

But only barely, pretty much all my derision stands. Fuck the existing book series for existing.
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 3:46 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

I've got to agree - "The Secret Life of Pets" was pretty awful. I watched it expecting a silly movie, got some weird lame stuff instead.
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 3:48 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Ah! You're here!
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 4:08 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

SeeD I sent you a pm...

Also did you think of your worst POS movie yet?
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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 10:36 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote Back to top

Squirrel Girl is a treasure. The villain has to be Doctor Doom, though.
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